Parthenia Rook, episode IV: In the Hall of the Bonobo King
by Rudi Dornemann
INTERIOR, ONE OF THE INNUMERABLE CORRIDORS IN THE BONOBO KING’S SECRET SUBTERRANEAN LAIR
THE BONOBO KING, a chimpanzee in an expensive Italian suit, sans shoes, walks down the hallway, accompanied by two of his associates: DR MANDRILL, a blue-faced, red-nosed monkey in a white lab coat and HENCH, a shaggy gigantopithecus in stained overalls.
BONOBO KING: Brilliant work, Dr. Mandrill. The anti-gravity suit worked exactly as you said it would. Like being lifted up by the hands of angels. Perfect.
MANDRILL: Thank you, my liege. I trust the baby-bot and zombirazzi performed as expected?
BONOBO KING: They seem to have worked splendidly. After all, Hench got in and out of Fort Knox without any interference by the annoying Ms. Rook. Didn’t you, Hench?
HENCH: In-got.
MANDRILL: If it pleases your excellency, I have a boon to ask.
BONOBO KING: Ask away.
[They enter A GRAND DINING ROOM furnished in gold-crusted Louis XVI furniture.]
MANDRILL: From now on, I would like to be known as “Zaius.”
BONOBO KING [peeling a grape with his toes]: Zaius?
HENCH: Zay-us.
MANDRILL: Zaius.
BONOBO KING [through mouthful of pomegranate]: That’s ridiculous. Your name is Oscar. [Spits seeds.] It’s a perfectly nice name.
HENCH: Oss-car.
MANDRILL: But Zaius just sounds so much more…
[The Bobobo King gnaws on a pineapple.]
MANDRILL: …scientific.
BONOBO KING: Pfaugh! We’ve talked about this before. How those Planet of the Apes movies systematically misrepresent the glories of the coming pan-simian age…
MANDRILL: Isn’t it funny how “pan-simian” starts with the name of your genus.
[The Bonobo King freezes, his teeth just sinking into a kumquat, and stares coldly at his chief scientist.]
BONOBO KING: Exactly what part of “king” is it that you don’t understand, Oscar?
[Dr. Mandrill manages to return the stare for a few seconds before faltering and looking away.]
MANDRILL [quaveringly]: My apologies. I forgot myself.
BONOBO KING: Take that tone with me again, and I’ll ask that Gibbon sisters make sure that everyone else forgets you as well.
[Dr. Mandrill falls groveling at the king’s feet.]
HENCH: Pan-sim. I…
[His expression suggests he’s forgotten what he’s going to say next.]
BONOBO KING: Come on– [Burps.] Haven’t you got some new and even more nefarious devices to demonstrate? I believe you mentioned something about a giant robot that transforms into a robot giant?
MANDRILL: Oh, yes. I’ve worked up a few things I think you’ll enjoy quite a bit. And Parthenia Rook won’t enjoy at all. Heh. Heh-heh.
BONOBO KING: HA!
MANDRILL [maniacally]: Eee-hee, eee-hee, hee-hee-heeeeee!
HENCH [uncertainly]: HEH.
BONOBO KING [diabolically]: MWAHAHAHAA!