Holiday

by David

People don’t go anywhere anymore. It used to be, grandad says, people worked hard for days and days before they had earned enough vacation time to actually go in their rooms and plug themselves in to a virtual national park or amusement park or water park or venusian tuber farm or something. Now we just go out behind the recycling center and stare at some weeds, or throw chunks of plastic at the vehicles on the Superway. If we want to go to an amusement park we have to actually pretend everything. You call that living?

I mean, what can you do with plastic, glaspex, and vegebord? Yesterday, Tim3 is standing on a bit of vegebord shouting “I am Chancellor of Trash!” or some sh*t and so Lefrim shoves him off and says she’s Premier of Trash and waves a block of glaspex in the air. The new kid from Moon 13 pushes her off and says he’s King of the Trash. Dorks!

If I was going to pretend something it would be way faster than that. I would be a unitank pilot, beneath cloud cover on a Chitin-occupied world during the Wars. We’d have to wipe out a Hive. We wouldn’t get out alive. Or maybe….

Acute Leg Sorrow: A Case Report

by SaraG

Acute Leg Sorrow: A Case Report.

Mrs M., a forty-five year old woman, reported to the Emergency Room with acute leg sorrow in her lower left extremity.

The examination revealed redness and emotional stasis in the leg, as well as pulsating anguish and some financial distress. The patient was not allergic to any medication, had no previous conditions and didn’t remember any leg trauma in the previous months.

Basic tests showed low platelets and self-esteem, left-leaning leukocytes and high introspection/physical exercise ratio. The patient didn’t report any addictions or compulsions, although she did admit to marital stress (football and beer related) and conjugal sexual dysfunction.

A number of treatments were proposed, including lymbic transmapheresis, Viagra treatment for the husband and divorce (with or without heterosexual-to-homosexual, sexual orientation reassignment).

Mrs M. wasn’t amenable to any of these options. Resistance to treatment in patients with organ sadness has been amply described in Medical Literature, and although more conservative treatments were suggested and Mrs M. was informed that she had to do something to appease her limb, eventually, the patient elected to sign a voluntary release form and leave Hospital, talking her grieving leg with her.