The Worst of Times

by Edd

Herr Professor Gesunkenspiegel gestured grandly at his device. “Ladies! Und
Gentlemen! I present to you the Timeviewerscope! Mit this machine I will peel
back the veils of time to dot we may look upon the ancients! View the caveboys
and der cavegirls! See der fishies swimming out of the sea and growing with the
legs! Watch Elvis!”

The professor’s audience consisted of three reporters with nowhere better to be,
the janitor’s son, and a busload of Dutch tourists who thought they were
attending a minimalist opera.

Reporter Darrel Kaufman waved a lazy finger. “Is this going to work any better than your telematterporter? Or that perpetual emotion engine you showed off last year?”

“Those? Those were mere tinkertoys next to my Timeviewerscope! Watch as I switch it on! Marvel as I tune it to view– to view–”

“Dinosaurs,” yelled the janitor’s kid.

“Der dinosaurs? Very well, dinosaurs it shall be!” He turned to an instrument panel and flipped a trio of switches, adjusted a dial, and then pulled down an enormous knife switch. Sparks began climbing a jacob’s ladder that didn’t appear to be connected to anything. The odor of ozone grew.

One of the other reporters leaned over to Darrel. “Isn’t that the same equipment from his Antigravitypullerupper dingus?”

“You’d think he’d just use a computer,” said Darrel.

An oval area above the equipment grew hazy. Darrel looked around the hall for a fire extinguisher.

“Behold!” shouted the professor. “Der dinosaurians!”

When the first carnivore burst through the haze and landed in a welter of folding chairs, the Dutch tourists applauded politely.

POSTCARDS FROM PANDEMONIUM

by Daniel Braum

INCIDENT AT VALENTINO’S

Through solid information I had heard that Minaesphoptuian Hirentheah, a minor demon, a particularly slippery class six, had been at Valentino’s Bar and Grill. Valentino’s was a real spiffy pool joint; two floors, over a hundred tables, a sexy wait staff; place got real crowded on Sat nights. It fit Minaes’s modus operandi; debauchery and desire. Money and sex and egos flying around along with drunken pool games made for bad bargains and easy dealings.

Why work harder than you need to, the last demon I had collared said to me. And I agree. But I don’t take bribes, I collect bounty. Big difference.

As I enter Valentino’s I think of her sitting in the secured cell in my basement. Sooner or later a bounty to go out on her, and the rest of them.

Minaes stands out in the crowd to me, clear as day. I see right through her guise of zoot-suited pool shark. Then she sees me when shouldn’t. I’m masked to the gills way above what a class six can detect. But her glances betray her and she shows me the positions of the five major demons at the bar and tables. To the crowd they look like grizzled under cover cops.

Minaes dissipates into the ether, not bothering to cover her tracks but I can’t follow. A storm of demonic magic flies at me. Curses. Words of binding. I buckle in pain as the demons encircle me.

“Bounty on you, Ilyanna,” one of them says. “Illegal detention of Infernal-kind.”

I try to escape but I have no strength.

“There are bounties on all of you,” I say. “Hunters that have been on your tails for centuries. Release me and I shall hunt them…”

“A deal?” Another of the demons says. They are quiet. Conversing in each other’s minds. The crowd is running out of the joint in panic, thinking it’s a raid.

“Seal the deal in blood?” the first one asks.

It’s a dangerous game, opening my veins voluntarily around their kind. Voluntary is the key for them to have a hold on me. A guarantee I’ll keep my part. I don’t know if its gonna make things worse, but I’m not going back to Pandemonium, not tonight, so I might as well try.

I allow them to open my vein and I ready to receive the blood.

– END –