The Truant’s Tale

by Rudi Dornemann

“You walked away,” said the tracker, putting his big boots and skinny ankles up on the desk. “Broke your apprentice contract with just months to go.”

“Yep,” said Eyve Aerial. “So?”

“So, I want to know why. So does the Central Square Sorceress. She says you were her best student.”

“What’s it matter? You found me. You’re going to take me back.”

He waved his hand like a leaf fluttering down. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

She figured this was some game he was playing; she wasn’t sure she had the patience to see what it was.

“I’m good at knowing why people do what they do. That tells me what they’re going to do next.” He stared at something on the toe of his shoe. “With you, I never figured out why, so your what-nexts never made sense. So it took six months instead of six days to catch you.”

“Time flies,” said Eyve Aerial, “You know, tempus fugit…”

A year later, she came back. The timeslip spell had faded enough that he’d stood up. Another three months, he’d reached the door. He blinked his eyes slowly as sunset; he probably wouldn’t understand her if she spoke and she hadn’t found an answer yet anyway.

Another year, and Eyve Aerial, returned to the scaffolding-palace that was the Central Square Sorceress’ headquarters, made amends, did her penance, and resumed her journeywomanship.

The tracker showed up one morning, trailing cobwebs as he strode across the creaking plywood.

“Maybe you don’t know why you left anymore than I do,” he said, the drawl in his voice showing he was still a bit behind time. “Maybe that’s why you came back. To figure it out.”

“I knew exactly why,” she said. “When I figured out that the nightmares were premonitions, that I was supposed to become some grand metropolitan wizardess who did all kinds of good things, but couldn’t stop this one last, huge evil thing from happening.”

“So why risk resuming your studies?” he said. “What’s different?”

“You,” said Eyve Aerial. “If I’m going to be powerful enough to do the things I’ve seen, I should be able to keep myself from getting into impossible situations, unless some part of me wants to fail.” She tossed the tracker a gold coin. “I’m hiring you to spot that part of me, to know why it wants to destroy everything before it does.”

Eyve Aerial’s appeared a few times before, in The Courier’s Tale, The Apprentice’s Tale, and The Sorceress’s Tale.

Careful…

by Jonathan Wood

DISCLAIMER: The story below uses the names of real celebrities. If you think any of the events portrayed even vaguely resemble real events, please contact me—I have a magic lamp to sell you.

Eventually they found me. The media. I figured they would sooner or later, what with everything that had been going on. So I explained to them about the lamp, and about the genie and the three wishes. And I explained about how my first impulse had been to wish for the general selfish things that everyone thinks of, but then how I’d thought about it a bit and done what I think most people would really do if they’d been in that situation.

First I wished for lasting world peace.

Second, I wished for the eradication of all diseases and ailments.

“What about the third wish?” asked Dan Rather, who seemed to be the ringleader.

“I haven’t decided what to do with it yet,” I said. Which was true.

Things got rather ugly after that.

Matt Lauer started smashing my stuff with a baseball bat he’d brought. Crash. Crash. Crash.

“You better wish it back, you bastard!” Keith Olberman shouted.

Bill O’Reilly was sobbing into his hands, just repeating “I’m doing pet detective segments,” over and over.

“Wish it back!” They took up the chant, started advancing on me. “Wish it back!”

“You have any idea what you’ve done to my ratings?” Larry King had a knife.

In retrospect, of course, I should have turned them all into chickens or something, made them feel inner peace. I don’t know exactly, something. But I panicked. Katie Couric had a very vicious looking cleaver and kept letting out short yelps. And, yeah, I panicked. And I put it all back.

So that’s how that all went down, and how things all got messed up so bad again. Of course, nobody in the news is letting me get my story out, which is why I’m putting it here. I guess I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I guess I wanted someone to know.