Tucker’s Galleria Part Three

by Jason Fischer

TUCKER’S GALLERIA – New Acquisitions

(catalog continues)

7. Collected Tears (artist: Nicole R Murphy)
glass jar, $5,700

Within this jar rests approximately 250ml of fluid, a collection of tears shed by hundreds of volunteers. Murphy has included the particulars of every participant, and notable weepers include a nun questioning her faith, a child who had just witnessed his dog being run over, and a murderer about to receive a lethal injection.

While the piece can simply be kept as is, Murphy’s intention is that the purchaser ingest the tears, or apply them liberally to the skin. For this reason a HIV/HEP B shot is recommended, and a waiver must be signed.

8. Ball’s Lexicon (artist: Peter M Ball)
bound volume, magnifying glass, $145,500

Noted demonologist and linguist Ball has compiled his life’s work in this hefty ledger. This lexicon was written over several decades, following a lengthy series of interviews with various dead souls, infernal beings and multi-dimensional observers from the Outer Dark.

The Lexicon is an exhaustive work, listing and referencing every single word that has been forgotten, fallen out of usage, destroyed by iconoclasts or purged by historical revisionists since the dawn of time.
While this may be of great benefit to etymologists and historians, there are several authentic (and dangerous) words of power, the actual names of demons, and several references to dangerous adverbs that are better off forgotten.

9. Database (artist unknown, attributed to the late Robert Hood)
data file, Toshiba notebook, $25,000.

This simple database returns a numerical figure to any query, however obtuse. Some queries found in Mr Hood’s search history include:
[How many prawns have I eaten during my lifetime?]
[What is the exact age of the Earth?]
[What is George Romero’s phone number?]
[What are the coordinates of Atlantis?]
[What is the exact date and time of my death?]
The accuracy of these results appears to be uncanny, or as in Hood’s unfortunate demise, perhaps self-fulfilling.

We at Tucker’s Galleria attempt to offer you the most outstanding new works, in media both unusual and unexpected. No refunds, no personal cheques.

Just Only the Endings

by Luc Reid

The man and the dog were both mortally wounded now, and Jack slumped down against the stoop next to The General. They lay there, staring at their pooled blood mingling on the hot sidewalk and trickling off to swamp a little cluster of anthills.

“It’s not true what they say,” said the dog. “Not every dog has his day. But I tell you what: I had mine.”

Jack laughed weakly. “You sure did, The General.” He threw the gun aside. Then he dug into his pocket and extracted a piece of paper, soaked with his own blood, to hold out to The General. His hand quaked.

“What’s that?” said The General.

“That’s the five dollars I owe you.”

Then the General started laughing, and Jack joined in, and they both laughed until they died.

* * *

“That’s the last of them,” Mona said, slamming the thick steel door shut in the rock wall. “Want to do the honors, Bessy?”

Bessy spun the wheel until the door was locked down, then took out the hack saw and started sawing the wheel itself off. The thin rasping of it sounded emptily across the badlands. Francine shaded her eyes and looked into the distance.

“You won’t be able to see the city from here,” Mona said.

“I know,” said Francine. “No reason I can’t try, though.”

The wheel fell to the rocks with sullen clang, and Bessy kicked it away into the dust. She packed the hack saw up carefully, even though there was no conceivable reason they would need it again.

With no more words between them–what words were left?–they formed a single line and began the long journey to the city they hoped was still there.

* * *

The Brownie finally succeeded in picking the lock. He pushed the door of the birdcage open and jumped down onto the bookshelf as the pixie flew past him and darted out into the free air. Together they surveyed the conference room, which was now overrun with panicked frogs.

“Should’ve seen that coming,” said the Brownie.

The pixie just nodded.