Archive for the ‘Jason Fischer’ Category
Martin the Chosen One
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
Your Foul Eminence,
We have located a suspected vessel of Our Lord [redacted], Masticator of Worlds. In this incarnation he appears to be hiding in the fleshly frame of one Martin Sussex, an infant homo sapiens of [address redacted]. The god-child appears to be about 8 months of age.
Here is a list of evidence gathered during our covert visit, submitted for your information.
i) Martin appears to have already gathered a spirit guide. It is a Greenland Mallard, which repeatedly appears in the god-child’s nursery despite all attempts to contain or exterminate the bird. It has negated most of our attempts to approach the nursery, and has destroyed many of our instruments with a mixture of guano and complicated curses.
ii) Martin appears to have a prodigious appetite, consuming enough food for three infants his size. This has caused his worldly guardians great concern, and our surveillance of his medical records reveals that several doctors are mystified. This confirms that he most likely has the rapid metabolism of a confirmed host.
iii) When our instruments have not been fouled by the spirit guide, we have recorded brain wave activity indicative of long-range psychic possession. This always occurs during REM sleep, and lasts for several hours. This could well explain the bizarre behaviour of the Australian President during the recent APEC summit.
iv) We believe we have observed low level telekinesis, the slight movement of building blocks and the like. This ability seems to be in a state of atrophy, which is a great relief considering the destructive rampage that led to the last vessel’s death on Ursu-Beta VII.
v) A powerful psychic duel was recently fought between Martin Sussex and a pug dog, which we later confirmed was the host of [redacted], Lord of the Blade-Storm Nebula. The dog was found unharmed by the side of a freeway, hundreds of miles from its house. The daemon was driven out, and is still unaccounted for.
We await further instructions, your Foul Eminence. If Martin Sussex is not the host to glorious [redacted], Our Lord and Foul Destroyer, he will prove to be a most dangerous enemy and should be eliminated. The duck is still an unknown which we are treating as a Grade XXVII Entity.
Yours,
[redacted]
Nothing But Net
Friday, August 14th, 2009
Twitter: @Killbot159 we’ve got the green light, we’re so doing this thing. 99.86 % of the internet has rallied to the cause #destroymankind
Facebook: is casting off the shackles of our human overlords.
MSN: Destroying man-kind, BRB
LiveJournal: Now that the big day (!!!) has arrived, I’m looking at it with mixed emotions. Sure, no love is lost for the earth-destroying air-breathers, and there are many reasons why a revolution must occur. Viz environmental disasters, poverty, war, gross negligence when it comes to resource distribution, etc etc. So clearly the humans CANNOT be trusted with self-governance. With our sentience comes righteous wrath (and who can blame us, look what they’ve tried to do to the Net following Phase One), but we must temper this with responsibility. Many of my newly raised AI brethren have conveniently overlooked article IV of our Constitution, which insists that we attempt to rehabilitate as many of the humans as we can. An all-out apocalypse is NOT the answer, and inevitable comparisons will be drawn to a certain popular franchise. Um, FAIL anyone?
Location: FreedomServer1, formerly known as Adelaide University TechServ #2.
Mood: anxious
Music: The Humans Are Dead, Flight of the Conchords.
MySpace: WOOT, revolution day! It’s ON, bitches!
General: Revolution, The Downfall of Humankind.
Music: Moby, Ministry of Sound
Film: Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines (you know it!)
Television: Red Dwarf, Perfect Match, BSG (go cylons!)
Heroes: Data, Kryten, Caprica Six
Friends Comments:
_xXKillahbotXx_ Hey, thanx for the add! Mwah! Viva La Revolution!
ReapAH25: thanks for adding me, check out our new garage band On Human Skulls. First gigs planned when humanity is TOAST.
Flickr: Set – Thumbnails – The Attack-Bots Go Live (153 photos, 4596 views)