Archive for January, 2010
The Great Archeologist AI Minds of the 22nd Century Solve Case #9821309 from the Early 21st Digital Archives
Friday, January 15th, 2010
The following conversation took place on October 8, 2122 at 9:13:23.967 though October 8, 2122 at 9:13:23.973 GMT.
AI #1: Aye-Two, can you make meaning of this sentence: “Trent wrote on Trent Walters is a Kung Fu Master’s Wall.”
AI #2: Aye-One, do you suppose this human named Trent inscribed his body with a bio-graffiti tattoo, reading, “Walters is a Kung Fu Master’s Wall”?
AI #1: No, what makes the sentence curious is the sentence-within-a-sentence structure and its consequent ambiguity.
AI #2: Ah, yes. Play both illuminates and obfuscates.
AI #1: Precisely.
AI #2: It may mean that he desires to be the wall of a Kung Fu master: kicked and punched by the best, perhaps, but still standing. Perhaps context will shed light?
AI #1: Facebook.
AI #2: His face?
AI #1: He has none.
AI #2: Ah, the generic. No pictures. The visually-anonymous breed.
AI #1: Note: “Trent Walters is a Kung Fu Master” is the name of a group.
AI #2: Subtitled: “This is a pointless group whose point is only to lend a faux legitimacy to the notion that Trent Walters is a Kung Fu Master.” Question: How does something pointless have a point?
AI #1: Precisely.
AI #2: And if it were truly pointless, would it include this heart-felt plea: “Yesterday around 8pm CST, we were one of the fastest growing group in all of Facebook from 0 to 2 members! Today, we have no new members. What do we need to do to expand our horizons? Spend millions on an ad campaign? Or should we bring lemon bars and punch to meetings? Discuss options.”?
AI #1: My perusal of the group’s creator shows he was an educator.
AI #2: Of?
AI #1: Some aspect of science.
AI #2: Hazy.
AI #1: Precisely: Uncharacteristic of a scientist.
AI #2: Unless we’re talking quantum. Moreover, it lists itself as of “Common Interest: Philosophy.”
AI #1: Science did originate from philosophy.
AI #2: But they diverged, evolved so that they shared less, interbred little. Perhaps too little? Separate species?
AI #1: Quote from his personal files: “I ebayed myself what was billed as a ‘kung fu suit’ to wear to school. It’s from China, so it must be authentic. No misbehavior in my classroom.”
AI #2: Ah. An educator of kung-fu science.
AI #1: Science of kung fu or kung fu of science?
AI #2: Perpetual ambiguity.
AI #1: Precisely.
AI #2: Note the last phrase, Aye-One. Do you suppose this holds the answer to our mystery?
AI #1: Once again, why am I Aye-One and you Aye-Two? In the 21st century educators required extreme means of self-defense, even resorting to costumes of authority.
AI #2: Case closed. Next.
Fossil
Thursday, January 14th, 2010
“Oh hi,” said the boy eating a ham sandwich at my kitchen table.
“Glad you brought your own food,” I said. “I’m tired of buying for all you kids.”
“I brought you a gift.” It wasn’t wrapped. I had never seen one in this condition before. It was 45 cm of polished wonder, grey spotted with tan, every leg bristle intact. It must have been collected live. I examined it from every angle.
He nodded, took another bite. I judged him to be about 16. His clothing was perfectly ordinary; his accent only noticeable because I was looking for it.
“So who are you?” I asked. He knew my name.
“Call me Chad. I’ve heard stories about you my whole life.” While he talked I gently picked up the trilobite and turned it over.
“Oh my God! The ventral surface too!” Through the translucent papery belly I could see everything from the interior was gone.
I made Earl Grey and we talked. Mostly I talked. He asked about my childhood in Missouri, how I met Phil, all the places I’d lived and which ones I liked best. They never answer my questions, but there was one I had to ask.
“I had a visit once from a girl younger than you. She was sick. She told me it was incurable. She said her name was Lane. What happened to her? She looked so much like my niece, I thought she must be…”
Chad held up his hand. “I don’t recognize the name. She must have been from after.”
I shook my head. “I know you all choose ordinary one-syllable names, never give your real names. But I could tell she was from somewhen close. Closer than you.
“My sister’s daughter disappeared at the age of 10; we don’t know if she’s alive or dead. But Lane looked so much like Laurie. I think Laurie survived. I think she had/will have children.”
Chad stood up, brushed the crumbs off his pants. “Thanks for the tea.” He held out his hand for the trilobite. “You know I have to take that back. I wanted you to see it. I knew you would like it, because my great-grandmother wrote about her visit. She mentioned the display case.”
I looked over the ancient creature carefully one more time, then gave it back. “Thank you.” I smiled, squeezed his shoulder, watched him fade out.
Lane had been fascinated by my fossil collection. She had even taken my picture beside the case.
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