Archive for the ‘Luc Reid’ Category
10 Answers to the Question “Where’d You Get Your Black Eye?”
Friday, March 18th, 2011
1. “Yeah, I didn’t think you could get hurt head-butting a shark. Cartilaginous fish, my ass!”
2. “It’s a tattoo. Like it?”
3. “From your mom. Man, she is one wild chick!”
4. “Extreme chess.”
5. “Well, I was asking this guy how he got his black eye, and apparently he’d had it with answering that over and over …”
6. “I was sitting next to this pregnant lady on the bus and I said, ‘So, when are you due?’ Long story short, he wasn’t actually pregnant.”
7. “Oh, this isn’t mine.”
8. “I heard these weird noises late at night from my neighbor’s house, terrible, inhuman ululations. I crept into my back yard and climbed the fence to land on their weedy, overgrown lawn. A pale green light pulsed in the neighbors’ attic window, silhouetting a dark figure that it seemed to be clawing to get out. I moved closer, slipping silently through the grass, my eyes riveted to the window–and that’s when I stepped on the rake.”
9. “The black eye is nothing! It’s the microchip they implanted in my brain that worries me.”
10. “Well, it’s actually kind of a funny story involving you, me, this conversation, and a time machine stuck in a loop, but I’m so sick of telling it, you might as well just go ahead and punch me now.”
Instantaneous Thank You Note
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
Dear Aunt Lisa,
Thank you for the magic necklace that suspends time. I was hoping you got me the new Age of Vengeance game for PS3 for my birthday, but this is also good.
Let me tell you first that it does not work with video games. The first thing I was going to try with it was play twelve solid hours of “Age of Vengeance 2: Blood Sport” because I haven’t played that one in a while, but I couldn’t because all my electronic stuff freezes up when I use it. Ditto that I could not keep on watching US netflix internationally, so no Ghostbusters marathon. But it is still a good present.
Without being impolite I want to tell you also so that you know that this is a girl’s necklace and even has little hearts all around the chain that you may not have noticed. I took a black magic marker and colored it over black, so it looked a little better for a boy wearing it, but that’s been coming off on my neck and the gold is kind of showing through again, so now I look kind of like a moron, but at least I don’t look like a girl, right? Ha ha. I know you are a girl and no offense meant and also I hope you don’t mind that I used marker on your necklace, although since you gave it to me you shouldn’t.
Yesterday a pot of boiling water almost spilled on Taylor, but because of the necklace I got to move her out of the way and put a bucket under it, so that was actually pretty cool. You should have seen mom trying to figure out how that bucket got there! LOL. I think I’m going to spend more time playing practical jokes, so it’s great for that.
Anyway thanks a lot and I hope you don’t think I’m being too ungrateful because it really is cool being a master of time and stuff. I’m sorry I forgot your birthday last month but I’ll make you a present now and send it to you. I have plenty of time when I can do that.
Josh