Archive for the ‘Jason Fischer’ Category
Today in the Obituaries
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
Amelia Carol Buchanan, who has died aged 138, spent most of her life embroiled in controversy. Born in Launceston, Tasmania, she went on to study law at Universitas Indonesia. In her student days she was well known in activist circles, particularly in the Free Australia movement. Her activism cost her a scholarship, and she was very nearly jailed for her part in the Depok Uprising.
Entering New Zealand as a political refugee, Buchanan spent the next five years between Auckland and New York, attempting to argue for Australian independence. Her frustrating attempts to lobby the frightened Security Council led to her decision to abandon Earth altogether.
Emigrating to Mars in the Second Wave, she was allocated an agricultural work rota to pay off her passage. Like many other immigrants, Buchanan found it next to impossible to clear the debt. She was an instrumental figure in the formation of the Martian Emancipation League, and spent the next two decades in legal aid work.
She was given an honorary doctorate by Harvard, and Universitas Indonesia finally granted her the academic credentials owed to her following her expulsion. She famously destroyed these parchments in her acceptance speech, stating “under Australian skies, the oppressed demand no less of me.”
She entered the political arena at age 62, elected into the House of Representatives in the wake of the Fitzsimmons Constitutional Crisis. Buchanan was noted for her blunt approach to public life, and despite several attempts on her position she forced through a number of contentious bills. While the Human Bodies Recycling Act was seen as a much needed push towards sustainable living, the Kelly Mencken Act is still quoted as a text-book example of political excess.
Scare-mongering of unmedicated care-givers led to a generation of chemically castrated teachers, a decision which haunted Buchanan for the rest of her days. In her later years she became the patron of the Mencken Trust, an organisation dedicated to undoing the damage of the rogue nano-tech used in the castrations.
Following her second prosperous term as Premier of the Martian Parliament, Buchanan stepped aside and entered semi-retirement. She was still active with various honorary appointments, and eventually accepted a diplomatic posting to Earth. She was there the day that autonomy was returned to Australia, and was seated next to the incumbent Prime Minister during the emotional ceremony. It was her 127th birthday.
Refusing further Methusalen treatment, Buchanan died in New Gawler, Mars, surrounded by lifelong friends. She leaves behind an epic political legacy that few could hope to match.
• Amelia Carol Buchanan, politician, born 6 March 2077; died 1 September 2214
Disconnection Issues
Friday, November 6th, 2009
Mr TempID#701536
(formerly known as Cyrus J Willard)
c/o YMCA Hostel
55 Jeff Kennett Boulevard
NEW MELBOURNE VIC 9001
AUSTRALIA
September 17, 2078
RE: DISCONNECTION ISSUES ARISING FROM NON-PAYMENT OF FEES
Dear Mr TempID#701536,
As per our recent correspondence, we reiterate that your identity has been revoked. You have now exhausted all avenues of legal appeal and we wish to remind you of the following:
• Your rights to the identity known as Cyrus J Willard have been onsold to a new client, along with all subsidiary rights (domicile, domestic partnership, employment and credit history).
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• Any further attempted contact with Stacey Willard may be considered grounds for a fault-based divorce, in which instance Cyrus J Willard will automatically receive 100% of the marital assets as per the pre-nuptial agreement signed by yourself.
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