Plugs

Kat Beyer’s Cabal story “A Change In Government” has been nominated for a BSFA award for best short fiction.

Jonathan Wood’s story “Notes on the Dissection of an Imaginary Beetle” from Electric Velocipede 15/16 is available online.

David Kopaska-Merkel’s book of humorous noir fiction based on nursery rhymes, Nursery Rhyme Noir 978-09821068-3-9, is sold at the Genre Mall. Other new books include The zSimian Transcript (Cyberwizard Productions) and Brushfires (Sams Dot Publishing).

Read Daniel Braum’s story Mystic Tryst at Farrgo’s Wainscot #8.

Staff Disaster Plan #24

by Jon

This is Staff Disaster Plan #24: Giant Monster Attack. Although at first glance most people would say this is simply an expanded variation of Plan #23 (Monster Attack), planning for a giant monster attack more closely resembles planning for severe weather, such as a tornado or hurricane. For the purposes of this plan, a giant monster is a monster that is too large to enter a building without destroying it in the process.

When a warning for a giant monster has been given (meaning a giant monster has been spotted in the vicinity), you should immediately:

  • Evacuate to the lowest level of the building. Giant monsters typically smash the upper levels of buildings, as they are typically closest (there are always exceptions). It will also improve your chances of fleeing if the building is destroyed. Floor wardens should do a quick sweep of their floor to check for stragglers, but do not spend too much time on this. Your safety is important as well.
  • Avoid all windows. If you are near a window, you are likely visible from the outside and may attract the monster’s attention. Even if the monster is blind or does not see by terrestrial methods, flying and broken glass remains a serious hazard. Some floor wardens have reported that occasionally a person will insist on watching from a window because “they’ve never seen a giant monster before.” There is nothing you can do for these people except ask them to write their name somewhere on their torso.
  • If you are outdoors when a giant monster is sighted, you should immediately go inside the nearest building. Failing that, hide under or inside the largest object you can find. If there is no cover nearby, drop to the ground and curl up into as tight a ball as you can, then do not move. Do not make any noise. Try and minimize your breathing. Even if you think you have been seen, hold still. Many giant monsters rely on movement to track their prey. Get up and run only if you have no other choice.

Other emergency situations may arise as the result of a giant monster attack. Please refer to the appropriate plan as needed:

#1 (fire)
#4 (chemical spill)
#4a (poison gas)
#5 (earthquake)
#8 (flooding)
#13 (radiation leak)
#15 (virus/disease)
#19 (zombies/undead)
#20 (lycanthropy outbreak)
#23 (monster attack)
#27 (alien invasion)


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One Response to “Staff Disaster Plan #24”

  1. Luc Reid Says:

    March 28th, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Pretty damn marvelous, Jon! Especially liked the name-on-torso part.