Plugs

Angela Slatter’s story ‘Frozen’ will appear in the December 09 issue of Doorways Magazine, and ‘The Girl with No Hands’ will appear in the next issue of Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet.

Sara Genge’s story “Godtouched” may be found in Strange Horizons.

Read Rudi’s story “Detail from a Painting by Hieronymus Bosch” at Behind the Wainscot.

Luc Reid writes about the psychology of habits at The Willpower Engine. His new eBook is Bam! 172 Hellaciously Quick Stories.

The Bagel Didn’t Fit

by David

They held a wake for the toaster. I didn’t participate. The cutlery served as ushers and all the glassware and most of the ceramics participated. Didn’t tell them a wake doesn’t need ushers. I can let some errors ride. The microwave gave the eulogy. All about how they had been neighbors, and that even though the toaster tended to be a bit rigid in his views, she felt that at bottom he was a good soul. It went on for a very long time.

“When are you guys going to be done?” I said, “because I’m feeling a bit hungry.” If looks could kill! One of the juice glasses, the “Land Before Time” one with Sarah on it, actually started to cry.

“It was an accident!” I said.

“How could you be so insensitive!?” one of the Mexican bowls gasped. She fanned herself and hyperventilated: “I need some air.” I tried to lift her up to the window sill, but she shied away like I might drop her.

“Well, I’ll get something from a restaurant. Don’t wait up.” A chilly silence followed me outdoors.

The van was surly. “You know, Jack,” she said, “you can be a real jerk.”

“Yeah, sorry,” I said. “Let’s go to Taco Bell.” At least she drove me over there. I was half afraid that she would refuse. I went through the drive-through. At the order panel I asked for a couple of chicken soft tacos and a margarita.

“What? I can’t hear you! You’ll have to go back through the line.”
I repeated myself. I shouted. I used words of one syllable. The panel seemed to understand less each time, almost like it wasn’t listening. “What’s the matter with that thing?”

“Word travels fast. She just married a toaster,” the van replied. “Maybe a human wouldn’t understand.”

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